Evil never likes to play with evil – evil people take and don’t produce Narcissistic Supply. Sadly, the Empath’s are the number one target for Narcissist’s who go to extreme measures to romance them out of the crowd. An Empath has no idea what he or she is dealing with until they are completely ensnared – the Narcissist has spent several weeks, or even months, observing the Empath so he can mimic her perfect mate status. Once he has her completely hooked, he drains the Empath completely of all emotional energy without thought, leaving the Narcissist burping with fuel as the Empath scrambles around to pick up the pieces of her shattered life.
So how can an Empath avoid such wolves in sheep’s clothing? Well, let’s start by understanding how a Narcissist produces emotions.
Empath’s are able to feel the emotions of others. Most of us don’t even realize that it happens, but we are the ones who want to help the homeless dog, that hate to see people in pain, who go over and beyond to be polite to avoid hurting one’s feelings. However, since the Narcissist is emotionally void and playing a role to be your perfect mate rather than being himself (as the true self is polluted with the false self and it’s creature), there is not a whole lot of emotional depth to pick up on – they are merely mimicking back their perception of what they think you want. However, the energy channel is not normal as the Narcissist’s emotion are ping-ponging back and forth between their own self in the oddest of ways…picking up this emotional energy has been incredibly helpful in disregarding this emotional vampire predator before a complete energy drain commences.
The Narcissist: In-touch with Me, Myself, and I
The Narcissist is a closer. During the ensnarement phase, he is trying to close you. Repeatedly, he is going back and forth between his trinity, as I refer to it, so his emotions are really being funneled in critique with his job performance.
The Trinity: Narcissist’s have three persons: the false self, the object, and the “creature”. Somewhere down the line, the Narcissist formed an image of what he or she thought it should be rather than what he or she is. That image became the projected false self. If the Narcissist could, he would let the false self take over, but he can’t – his false self is conducted by the “object” – the object really shouldn’t be described as the “true self” because really, the false self, object, and creature make the Narcissist who he is. But the true self may better be described as the “aware” part of the Narcissist that is the slave of the false-self (in-exchange for fuel) with the negative attributes/actions being fed to the creature directly.
The Narcissist fears the creature overtaking the false-self for lack of fuel. The Narcissist may or may not realize that the creature is the false-self (i.e. kill the false self and it kills the creature), but even awareness wouldn’t matter. The Narcissist invented a false-self for feeling inferior and not good enough. The Narcissist knows deep down this is what they have judged of themselves, and don’t want to face it.
Not too shockingly to understand, the Narcissist is a natural born critic and extremely hard on him or herself – they know their actions are wrong, but they don’t have to deal with empathy – that is fed to the creature directly, which the false self vigorously guards…but the false self needs fuel…so Narcissist’s become addicts verses face the repercussions of “the creature”.
The false-self and creature are inextricably related. Narcissist’s put much energy into keeping up the false self- it’s their prized possession – the representation of the object that they want to turn “the object” to. They have virtually low or no self-esteem.
For me, before I can accurately describe an emotion, I have to understand the predicament. I associate images in my mind’s with emotions sometimes to access them quicker for cross-testing between different shades of the same emotion. For the Narcissistic Emotions, I put them under the image of “Pinocchio”.
Pinocchio: Becoming a Real Boy
Pinocchio started off as an object (a puppet) with no consciousness. When the Blue Fairy gives him consciousness, Pinocchio wants to be more – he wants to shed his wood and strings to relate with others: to be real. Geppetto encourages Pinocchio that he is loved for who he is and not to let people get to him, but Pinocchio believes he can achieve it. When he returns to Geppetto, he is now a real boy who can relate to others. This is how most children grow up to be emotionally healthy.
Pinocchio: Becoming a Narcissist
After the Blue Fairy gives the Narcissist consciousness, the Narcissist wants to become a real boy, too. However, this time, Geppetto is replaced with Stromboli, who sees Pinocchio as an object with strings that he can control. Control does not have to abusive in the sense of physical abuse…it can be neglectful and uneventful. There is no bond to learn love. When Pinocchio tries to become real, he is told that he is not good enough. He is criticized. At night, Pinocchio sees himself as stuck as a wooden puppet with strings and hates it. He starts dreaming about what a real boy is – the real boy that would make Stromboli proud or at the very least, stop being so negative. Rather than focusing on becoming real, he fakes himself out as an image of what he believes is real. Now, Pinocchio sees that he is getting a lot of attention for his fake version of a real boy…and Stromboli does not care as long as the fake real boy acts in accordance to what he needs. Pinocchio is still wooden (an object) and controlled with by strings (false self), but now he is in control of his own strings – not Stromboli or anyone else. This is how the Narcissist is created.
The Narcissist Does not See Your or Himself in the Same Way
As the Narcissist looks at himself consciously as an object, it is the only way he sees and relates to others. Therefore, his interpretations of what he believes you want him to be will be skin deep. He will like the same sport teams, he will like the same activities, books, and music. He will be engaging, but there is simply no depth. It is just a mere surface projection.
Understanding the Intense Emotions of the Narcissist
For the Empath, there are simple ways to start breaking this barrier…and that is by asking questions related to the Narcissist’s opinion during the ensnarement phase when the Narcissist is on his best behaviors. I want to spend some time for Empath’s to understand how the Narcissist processes emotions as this can give insight on the subtle clues of awkwardness that follows.
Narcissist: “Do you like the blue shirt or the yellow shirt on me?”
Reply: “Which one do you like?”
Before the end of the reply is finished, the narcissist anger starts bubbling…but the anger is masking his or her own fear, remember. Evolved narcissist’s no longer even ask the either/or question because it can be responded to with a question in which they have to make a subjective opinion which denies them of narcissistic supply and also succumbs them to the “creature”.
With that being said, the Narcissist invests much of his energy (and the energy of others) onto his or her false self. Therefore, the false self is INCREDIBLY sensitive to ANY form of perceived criticism.
Even the comment above is enough to hit the Narcissist like a spear in the heart.
In short, the Narcissist is very weak, but has a very very competitive nature to win – losing themselves is a fear they face everyday. They already lost their self to the darkness. They think fuel gets them out, but it just keeps them there. They like being there, though. But they know the ending. They know their fate. But you don’t have to get dragged down because of their choices.
To be naturally expected, the fears of the Narcissist are created by the Narcissist itself. During the ensnarement phase, the Narcissist will be ever pushing boundary lines with praise and flattery to get “inside your circle”from a very ego-centric related manner.
However, during the ensnarement phase, the Narcissist is playing a part – an act. If you start to question this act, he or she will get squeamish or throw the “blank state” (my personal favorite). All Narcissist’s live in a deep fear, but when they can’t figure out a move (which is rare for the larger predators) watch for the blank look. For a split second, you see the abyss.
1. Fear of losing control of others
The Action Behind the Emotion on Initial Ensnarement Phase: This can be spotted by the fact that the Narcissist will seek to place you in the center of his life extremely quickly. He will be pushy in his own way. His whole attention is on you. As a giver, this may feel nice but will be a disaster in the end. However, this behavior is not normal. Normal people have lives, schedules and don’t drop their own lives to be everything in yours.
Why the Narcissist Fears: Like all things, the Narcissist creates his own fears rather perfectly. This particular fear is created from the loss of control the Narcissist has over the false self that is reliant on the approval of others. A Narcissist feels entitled to be able to control you – for him to feel in control, he has to make you feel out of control. That is the only way he can duplicate the emotion of feeling safe as he fears the creature and knows he is being controlled by his own false-self, but manipulates himself that it is what he wants because he loves being “superior” and an “addict”. Remember, he is the master of lies to his own self.
However, he needs fuel from you…or someone. In the end, the “superior Narcissist” is in need…you are not.
2. Fear of rejection
The Action Behind the Emotion on Initial Ensnarement Phase: He will text, phone call, befriend your friends, family, and show up everywhere you are. He is like a co-dependant leech, but has trained to not be too obvious of course and will cater around what he thinks you want (or let him get away with). Since he is the “Superior One”, he typically will not approach you as he wants you to approach him. He needs you to choose him on your own accord. It’s his way of putting all the blame on you for his actions as an acceptable vindication for the creature to immediately eat all empathetic feelings that could arise, but more importantly, boost his ego of narcissistic supply.
Why the Narcissist Fears: The Narcissist cannot afford rejection as it denies him of narcissistic supply. During the ensnarement phase when the Narcissist is trying to enchant you, he is investing a lot of energy and resources into this process. If you reject him, he has given and cannot take back which ignites fury – as more is to be gained with making good people go through negative emotions, merely not accepting the gifts may not even be good enough. If you are showered with gifts, remember, nothing is for free. For a Narcissist to give like this, he will feel owed to everything you have. Narcissist’s are calculated takers, but will give excessively in the beginning during the ensnarement phase.
3. Fear of abandonment
The Action Behind the Emotion on Initial Ensnarement Phase: The Narcissist will be all over your territory using your resources. He will want to spend the night at your place. Not his. He may want you to stay in one of his houses or apartments, but will have ultimate control. He wants to ensnare you – take everything and leave you with nothing.
Why the Narcissist Fears: The Narcissist abandoned truth for his false self. If you can do that to yourself, he expects everyone to do this to him. And they do…eventually and in spite of his choices. However, a Narcissist is so petrified of being abandoned that he will hoover and go to insane tactics to keep his victims around for the fuel he so desperately needs. To him, if you do not provide fuel, the creature will take away years of what he has created – all of his hard work is at jeopardy! Remember, his false self cannot survive without others…but you can.
4. Fear of loss of resources
The Action Behind the Emotion on Initial Ensnarement Phase: The Narcissist will smother you with only the best in the beginning. If you offer to pay, the Narcissist may act offended initially, and will either refuse entirely or would reside after giving you glorious praise on your independence.
Why the Narcissist Fears: The Narcissist is a very greedy character – he has to pay his false self for guarding the creature every day – it’s draining – he doesn’t have a lot to give. His resources provide him control over others. Without that, he has much less to work with and knows he will lose control. A Narcissist has to be in control at all times…if not, the false self could be eaten by the creature. He has to provide it with fuel.
5. Fear of exposure
The Action Behind the Emotion on Initial Ensnarement Phase: The Narcissist will conveniently be interested in all the same things as you. He will lie, distort the truth, and do whatever he feels necessary at the time. His worst fear is being labeled as a narcissist to where he cannot use others. Therefore, he will put all the blame on you. In the beginning, however, running a background check may prove of use. These people are usually always bound to piss someone off to the point of a lawsuit or restraining order depending on how old they are. The Court Room is a Narcissist’s favorite place to be…all that negative energy…the chance of winning! Chances are he has his ghosts in the closet that modern technology can assist with…it’s worth every penny if you meet Mr. Too-Good-To-Be-True.
Why the Narcissist Fears: If the Narcissist was found out to be who he really is, he would have a harder time finding fuel. Who knowingly goes in and dates a Narcissist? Anyone who would, would be doing so with a mission and certainly wouldn’t produce the same type of innocent fuel the Narcissist needs to keep the creature at bay.
Deep down, the Narcissist is a very weak and terrified child, but he is used to fighting and has to win at all costs…and he is talented at it. To him, a win is considered a win if he chops off his own leg…so long as he beat you. He will keep going and going and probably has the resources to do so – the quicker you ignore him and get out, the better. However, boundaries can help you not attract this monster to your goodness. Empath’s typically have boundaries issues related to the guilt we feel in trespassing other’s emotions.
Yes, we emphasize that the Narcissist is no more than a puppet on strings, but we are not. It’s not our mission to save all, but to offer a message of hope…that hope can be taken by the Narcissist’s calculated attempts to drain you of all your emotional stamina. Maybe one day the Narcissist can be a real boy, but until then, guard yourself from the Pinocchio bound in wood and controlled by strings!